I’ve been bone tired these last few weeks. This is pretty normal for me, for this time of year. Still, I was surprised. I’ve been on Sulfazine for several months now and, up until recently, it’s been keeping my arthritis symptoms in check. But in the last week I’ve been having debilitating pain again—mostly in my lower back, right hip, and hands. The pain I can deal with, for the most part. It’s the fatigue that’s killing me.
It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get or how easy I take it. Lately, by about 8pm, I’m eyeing my bed. Doing simple things is a real chore.
At first, I thought it was depression. (A combination of badly managed meds and recent trauma headlocked me into a really bad episode.) But the effects of coming off the meds waned about a month ago. I’m feeling more and more like myself. It’s this exhaustion that I can’t kick. I’m starting to think that it’s “just” autoimmune bullshit.
This is disheartening, to say the least. I really thought Sulfazine was working.
It’s also annoying. I really want to get back to my normal, to days of writing and evenings of relaxing. But I’m wiped as soon as my eyes open in the morning. There’s a very limited window during the day when I have enough energy to do anything. By the time five o’clock rolls around and I’m due to start dinner, I’m sapped.
It’s the main reason it took me weeks to finally put up our tree. And then I went to bed early. I couldn’t even enjoy my work. I’ve been trying to power through, to make jokes about how tired I am or to ease people’s concerns. I’ve tried to convince myself that maybe I just needed the extra rest. But this fatigue is all too familiar, and I can’t deny it anymore.
Which makes me wonder. Last winter, I spent most of my days in bed, ridden with pain and exhaustion. I often could barely walk. I stubbornly stayed at my part-time job as long as I could, and then I couldn’t anymore. I really hoped those days were a thing of the past.
I want to shake my fist at the universe. I really can’t get a break.
Still, I’ve got my Christmas spirit on! I brushed the dust off a short story I wrote a few years ago, starring Jett. You can read it here (it’s free). 🎄