I’ve decided to participate in Blogmas (at least until my internet gets cut off 😂). During Blogmas, bloggers post something every day until Christmas Day. Usually these are Christmas-themed posts, but I’ve decided to do something a little different. I love Christmas, but I feel like I need to share my experience. Things have been really hard lately and this is my reality. And that’s totally okay! I think there are a lot of other people out there struggling like I am, and my message to you is this: You are not alone!
So I want to clear something up after yesterday’s post. I appreciate all of your comments, messages, tweets, etc. Thank you so much for reaching out to me!
In no way am I giving up. I love writing, and I’ll probably be telling stories until the day I die (which will hopefully be when I am wrinkled, grey, and so old that I just peacefully pass in my sleep). But I’ve been thinking about this for months, ever since my book sales started to plummet. Making any form of art for a living is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am, and for a while it looked like I was going to be able to do this full-time, for a living.
I’ve been thinking about going back to work part-time, which is a very complicated issue. I’ve lost a lot of jobs because of my arthritis. Every time I go back to work, I think things will be different. I’ll be feeling better and then wham! I’ll get slammed with a nasty flareup and I’m out of a job again. I feel very nervous about the whole thing because, even though I’m on medication now and my pain is relatively under control, that’s no guarantee. Honestly, I’m very scared that this is only a temporary reprieve. My rheumatologist is hoping that after a few months of treatment, the arthritis will be completely gone, but I’m nervous. We don’t know for sure. And I can’t stay on Sulfazine for very long, because it tends to pummel the liver and kidneys.
Aside from my health problems, transportation is an issue and at this time of year it’s difficult to find a job opening in an already suffering economy. So there are hurdles, to say the least.
That said, it’s still worth a shot. Every little bit helps our situation, even if it’s only for a little while. It’s frustrating, to say the least, that this is the hand I’ve been dealt, but I’ve got to keep playing the game anyway.