Last night @SeriousGirlGang threw one of their usual hashtag parties. They’re always a blast, and often trend, but #ReasonsNotToDateMe was especially fun. There are a lot of reasons not to date me, but since Mike took care of that problem three years ago, I thought it’d be fun to tweet from the point of view of the South of Forever gang.
It was way too easy to riff on these guys.
If you want to see all of my #ReasonsNotToDateMe tweets, click the tweet below to see the thread.
Since I'm technically off the market, I'll do #ReasonsNotToDateMe from the POV of my characters. 😁 ⬇️⬇️⬇️
— Elizabeth Barone (@elizabethbarone) September 23, 2016
Since they were so fun, I figured I’d do a few more.
Reasons Not to Date Jett
- I’ll spend all of my money on boots… then all of your money on more boots.
- If you like hot showers, don’t hold your breath. I take long, hot baths.
Reasons Not to Date Koty
- Because of my stint with the boy band ESX, I never have to work again, and I’ll always try to rescue you with my cash.
- I have zero taste in home decor, unless you count stainless steel and leather.
Reasons Not to Date Savannah
- I’ll put your kid in daycare behind your back so that I can focus on my painting career.
- Most of the closet we’ll share will be occupied by half-finished paintings.
Reasons Not to Date Max
- My ex is crazy. Like, legit crazy. She’ll sneak attack you without you ever even seeing her.
- I have a B.S. in education, but I impulsively moved to Boston and joined a band instead of finding a teaching position.
Reasons Not to Date Poppy
- I will always look more put together than you. I have outfits for days.
- The first time I ever drove on my own—licensed, of course—was in a snow storm. Wearing wedges.
Reasons Not to Date Griff
- Since I’m pushing thirty, I have a bad case of family fever.
- If things with the band don’t work out, I’ll go back to playing minor league hockey. Or just retire early with my trust fund.
Reasons Not to Date Krista
- I’m not looking for a relationship. To quote Group X: I just want bang-bang-bang.
- Hos over bros. Sisters before misters. Period.
Reasons Not to Date Perry
- I enjoy long walks to the liquor store and relaxing one-night stands.
- My hair will always be cooler than yours. Fuck yeah, dreads!
For more of the South of Forever gang, pick up your free copy of Diving Into Him.